if you don't succeed...

Over the summer i water colored two figures, one was a pair of legs with muscles pouring out the top and a baby spilling out, and the other was a torso with two hands opening up the skin, only to find emptyness inside. 
I painted a third figure on a piece of cardboard, a pregnant woman in fetal position with arms ripping out of her back.
I really liked how these figures looked, but i could never find a way to fit them into a piece. At first i tried to put them ontop of an abstract peice i did of a figure pulling its foot up to its face

 

When i painted this peice i wanted to try something abstract, i wanted to paint a figure in a completely new way. I liked the peice by itself, but i just wanted to see what it would look like if i stacked the other figures i water colored ontop of it. 

 

I liked it, but there was still something that was wrong about it, and i couldn't quite tell what it was. I liked the colors, i liked the different styles that were incorperated into one peice, i liked the 3d element of it, but something was wrong.

So after much thought i took the abstract figure painting and set it aside as its own completed peice and took the three figures and set them aside too. I wasn't sure if i was ever going to use them.

Then on febuary 26th i got an email that said i was denied from the only college i really wanted to go too, i was devastated and hurt and i was full of anger and hate.I walked into art class the next day and didn't say a word to anybody. I was feeling to many awful things to express by simply using words. I felt empty and heavy and i felt like i was drowning.

So i walked into the Art Supply room and saw three stray peices of canvas thrown on the floor. I picked them up and decided i would paint three different figures on them that felt like i did.

Then i rememed the other three figures that i had painted a long long time ago and i took them out and decided i would paint them again on the canvas and would hang the six pieces together like a tapestry. Each figure showing its own story of loss and sorrow, but they were all connected in their sorrows. 

 

The woman who had the arms coming out of her back was painted with the hands coming and smothering her face, so she couldn't breath. She had already lost her eyes.  The torso that was empty would be filled with old muscles that couldn't seem to stay together. the painting on the canvas was more of a "before
 picture, and the watercolor would be the after. Lastly the legs would follow the opposite pattern as the torso, the watercolor was the before and the canvas was the after. The legs on the watercolor had one baby, that was blue and lifeless falling out. The legs had muscle and were still full of life and vigor. The legs on the canvas where withered down to the bone, the muscle was smaller and weaker. And tangled up in all that muscle where two babies, that where blue and dead.

I was in kind of a dark place when i made this tapestry, but i love the colors and im pretty happy with the story and the detail. Its a very strong piece and its one of my favorites.